asobouyo | 43rd Teddy Bear [Video/Action]

43rd Teddy Bear [Video/Action]

[Nami went home. It's another tally on her list of people she dearly misses now—she marks them down and can count them off on her fingers. Mom... dad... Mr. Luffy... Nami left... Archie... J-Jilly.... Pao-Lin and Miss Lightning... Noel and Mr. Ling... Ace.... Lots of people are gone. She's been so afraid of being left alone, but she never considered maybe it wouldn't just stop at her mama and papa. She never considered that she herself were capable of leaving, either.

Maybe—someday... she'll be all alone.

And every time it hurts. It hurts! She counts off the names and it still makes her want to hide in her covers and cry. She's too young to appreciate that they're in their own worlds, where they belong. Lucky for her, not to know some were going to their deaths. Did she even have any pictures of some of them? She's got a few, but—they're not enough. Some people don't have any at all to hang up. It's awful, to sit there and see blank places on your wall where you could have so easily had more images... of loved ones you might not see again.

She spends the next few days collecting up as much as she can from the item shop, whenever Winry or Ed is willing to take her (well, one more willing than the other, all things considered). She has her pink camera, and if she can just get even more film for photos, she can get lots and lots of pictures. This is what her father did, right? He's the reason she has a picture of her and Nami together.

Thank you, papa. Thank you for giving her pictures to remember.

While she's at school, she'll call out to familiar faces, surprisingly eager.]

Let's take a picture together!!

[Out in her front yard, she excuses herself from her play time with her action figures and dolls to usher her friends over, if they visit, if they happen by. There are some she knows who take the trail often; she may or may not be betting on that.]

Can you take a picture with me??

[She's out of breath, just having caught someone she knows in the corner of her eye; what if they vanish in the next few moments, and she never catches them, and she grows up and forgets their faces? She calls out down the road, close to the smithy where Winry works (she likes to visit, sometimes; it's nice to stay there):]

Wait! Can we have a picture? Just one!

[Sometimes she just calls out to two people out on a stroll, friends, clearly friends or relatives or lovers, people who probably love each other like she loved her friends. She smiles and looks hopeful, and holds up her camera that hangs off her neck.]

Do you want a picture of you two??

[Eventually, a click. No flash. No film. She's all out.]

[Video]

[The feed is just of her laying on her bed sideways, holding her camera close to her. With all her thoughts circling her head, she's been trading out the camera for her stuffed plushies when bed time comes around. She turns on video, because it's also a good way to see people sometimes. Even if it gets harder and harder to find their... pages... She can't find some of her papa's old pages. She was sure she could remember where they were.

Her lips are pursed, and her camera is held against her heart.]

People go away... How do you make it stop hurting? ... I wish my memories were so good, I could remember like a movie. I wanna remember every little thing, but it's hard to remember so many little things... [Her eyes well up with tears. They drip into the small crease between her eye and nose, pools there as her voice goes low.] I don't wanna grow up and forget.

I don't wanna forget. What should I do?

[.....]

.... I need more film... for pictures.

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[She just lowers her expression and can't bring herself to look. Even with his hands there overlapping her tightly clenched fingers, she still tries to push the button--but the last click sounds and she's entirely out of film. And then she mumbles at the ground swiftly, rambling, letting whatever jumbled words flow.

But still, she cannot look at him.]

I'm not... scared.... I don't care if you're mad--I'm not scared...

[Maybe if she lied, everything would lie with her.]

I don't wanna see you look like that, 'cus then people really are gone; you can be angry at me for being bad, I just don't wanna see those faces no more; everyone's going away, so it doesn't matter if they get mad either, because they're gonna forget me and leave me behind...

Edited 2013-03-14 09:50 (UTC)

[He doesn't interrupt her once, and the hurt from before stills and cools in his chest, held apart from whatever ache that would have him hug her, show her some measure of comfort. Offer her a lie, or a promise.

The desire is there, settled right by the rawness of her tantrum, but he won't allow himself to indulge it. Because he's still mad, and she's old enough to shoulder some of the ugliness that comes with living in Luceti.]

People leave, Elicia. And sometimes they come back. [...] Sometimes they don't. And we make those faces because we miss them a lot.

[He blows out a sigh, disrupting strands of blond hair, finds his gaze searching the ceiling because it's hard. His throat constricts. He doesn't know if he's ready for this conversation, not with her.] That's why I get to remember how much Nami-san means to me - because I'm sad. I'm gonna be sad for a while.

[No amount of tantrums can change that.]

... Heh. And even if you don't care that I'm mad, I'm still here right now, aren't I? [Crouched right in front of you, living and breathing - angry and hurting and wishing he could hug your pain away] So are a lot of your friends. There's still time for good memories.

[And then he sighs again, caught rambling himself. Fuck, he doesn't know if he's saying the right thing anymore] It's always gonna hurt - because you're a good girl and you care a lot. But if I disappeared, I wouldn't want Elicia's last memory of me being angry at her.

[Her little heart continues to beat swiftly in her chest, but her numbed expression softens into something much worse and heartbroken. She went to Sanji as a way to avoid so much pain, because all he ever did was brighten her day--and now he's making that face too. Tears pool in her eyes, but she's grown stubborn; maybe it's Edward and Winry rubbing off on her. Maybe Sanji, too. Maybe everyone. Law says it's okay to cry, but... a lot of people just--don't.

She still doesn't look at him. Holds her camera against her chest under her neck. It's a lifeline.]

How many times do I have to be sad... It's too many times... I'm tired of being sad. They don't even know I miss them, because everyone forgets... Papa'll never know how much I miss him; I looked at his pictures so I wouldn't ever forget that he always made me happy...--and I'm gonna go home and never remember he was here with me...

I just have pictures of him... I thought if I could keep pictures, I wouldn't forget everybody--

[And then she realizes--the last thing Sanji mentioned.

Oh... oh, what did she do? What did she do? She pulls back, clumsily opening the camera, unwinding the long, brown negative film and mashing it as best she can where Sanji's dark expression clung to the plastic. And then she realizes there's good pictures at the beginning of it, pulls away for a moment to hold up the film, green eyes full of panic. Through the lights above, she sees the little images of Aang, Jack Sparrow, Tony and Pepper, Winry, Sokka's surprised face, Vanellope--her new friend, Vanellope--Vash... Tear... Haruhi... And knowing she didn't mash them, there's bittersweet relief. And then silence.

The tears clinging to her eyes drip down on their own accord.]

... I don't wanna be alone...

[Her biggest fear in the whole wide world... is waking up one morning and finding the village empty.

Completely, silently, empty.

She finally does look at Sanji, eyes wide and pleading, even knowing that nothing he says changes anything. She's getting to the point in her life, already, where she knows it's impossible. To keep one's word.]

I'm okay if you're mad at me... just don't leave me all alone.

[The fingers around Elicia's hands twitch, and the chef bows his head as if shamed. They're straightforward questions only a child can ask when facing the harsh reality of the world - all of them ones he can't answer. Or maybe he's just not talented enough.

Then she pulls back, startling him to look up and watch in horrid fascination as she mutilates her own art. He holds out his hand again.] O-oi-- [That she stops is the only reason Sanji refrains from removing the film himself, and shit, he has no idea what set her off or what's going through that little head of hers besides a looming loneliness he doesn't know if he can solve, and--

... Oh sweetie, no.

It only takes her looking at him like that for Sanji's expression to wilt further, heart simultaneously full and broken. The last of his anger falls to the wayside.]

I'm not mad. [Not anymore. He doesn't have it in him to be. His lips form into an unhappy smile, and after a pause, his arms envelop her until a hug that's just as sad.] And I won't leave you alone as long as I'm here.

[It can't be the promise she wants to hear, so he offers the only one he can make.]

[She closes her eyes tight, buries them against his shoulder, breathes in. There's something about being against someone's shirt, warm and safe, that calms her down--shuts her down, where things don't hurt as bad and the world is still as simplistic as she thought it was when she had first woke up here. After letting herself settle down, she breathes heavy.]

I'm sorry... I broke the egg.

[Actually... it was a breath of fresh air, for a split second.

She's scared to say it, but lately, her sadness has been making way for anger, and when she's angry... she really just wants to break something. Get rid of that anger somehow. She's too young to even understand the logic behind it; she knows it's bad, to destroy something for the sake of venting, but where else can all this little-sized fury go to?

She trades it out for guilt. With that little kiddie meltdown, she's just tired now.]

If you want to... I'll eat the egg s'left on the floor... I'm not scared of germs.

[She likes to say she's not scared. Maybe it'll make her stronger, faster. She sniffles and clasps the back of his shirt.]

M'definitely not.

I ate candy off the floor once; it still tasted good.

Edited 2013-03-17 05:03 (UTC)

[Sanji doesn't know how he can manage to laugh in the middle of this, but he does; and it's a dry, brittle noise that takes some warming up before it feels real. It hurts his chest.]

Candy's a little different from egg, Elicia-chan. [That, and he's still wearing half the evidence in his hair; the little girl's got a good arm on her, heh. He fixes the suffix back on her name, the added effect somehow lightening his voice - like he'd never been angry in the first place] How about you just help me clean it up.

[A damn shame, really, but it can't be helped. There isn't any salvaging something that perishable. And maybe it'll be good to have her pick up her own mistakes. He sighs, and smooths down her hair with one of his hands]

Just promise me something, okay?

[Oh, gosh... She has a feeling she might now what the promise is... might.

She looks down, a little ashamed.]

Mmhm... What is it?

Next time you're in a bad mood... [He flashes her a little grin and with ample amusement, pulls on one of her pigtails] Why don't you just kick me, alright?

[Don't waste food. He knows you know. So he spins a little humor for both of their sakes, even if she doesn't get it quite yet]

[She huffs, and she's not even sure what began the mood of hers--maybe it was realizing some very depressing things, on the way here. It was desperately gathering the images of her friends, before someone else like Nami disappears. She realized Sanji would probably vanish, too, right when she loved him most, like honest-to-god family.

And she thinks Sanji's teasing her now. Of all times to tease!! She huffs and wilts a little in defeat...]

[--and then she kicks him on the side of his thigh with a huff.

Really, she's still in a less-than-pleasant mood.

... Better than earlier, at least?]

Edited 2013-03-26 01:12 (UTC)

[Whelp. Luckily Sanji has trained since the age of ten or that probably would've hurt more than it could've. He's torn between amusement and sympathy that she made good on his offer so soon]

Maaah, it's still that bad?

[Her response is thoughtful silence; is it still that bad?

She kicks his thigh again, but it's a defeated sort of motion, one with no power to it at all. Entirely surrendering to her bottled up, weird emotions. She wishes she could understand where it all comes from, or how to tame it. So far, she's at a loss to her own inner machinations.

Is it still bad?]

[... no. Not so bad.

She steps forward and wraps her arms around his neck, hugging him. This is what always made the difference at the end of the day, when things were bad. Being able to melt her apprehension or frustrations with tangible people in tangible hugs.]

I love you, big bro. I'm glad you're here.

[Also, I'm sorry. Unspoken.]

Edited 2013-03-26 22:24 (UTC)

[There's no accompanying flinch when she kicks him again. Sanji just takes it like he promised, watches her flounder in emotions she's probably struggling to understand, and his expression is careful and somber, and a little sad.

But her answering hug is like a fresh breath, a tiny moment of hope. He sighs into it, smiling and committing the feeling to memory.

This is what her picture should've been like.]

I love you, too. [He gives her a tight, one armed squeeze - and wonders, if she'll ever be too old for this. Shit, she's getting so big. One day he won't be able to swoop up behind her and plant her on his shoulders, will he? Maybe it's already too late for that anymore.

His heart thumps and it hurts, this time. He squeezes a tiny bit tighter.] Right now, there's nowhere else I'd rather be.

Edited 2013-03-30 00:28 (UTC)

[She sighs into his shoulder, feeling better. And at least, like always, safer.]

Is it okay, to be mad, even if you know how things are...?

Is it okay to be angry at stuff you know's gonna happen anyway?

[Ah, now there's a question he can answer.]

Everyone gets angry sometimes - especially when it doesn't feel like anything's being fair to you.

So Elicia-chan can feel angry if she wants. [He pauses] In fact, sometimes feeling angry can help you feel better later.

[Elicia nods.

That makes sense... It felt like a release, to her.]

It's not bad, to be angry?

I promise Elicia-chan, there's nothing bad about being angry.

You just gotta remember not to hurt other people because you are.

[She bows her head at that. She knows when she's been tamed. Wrangled back in.]

... I understand.

[Heh. Resisting the urge to pull on her pigtails again. Instead he stands, and nods in the direction of the mop and bucket]

I can't promise you a good picture anymore, but how about we make something after we finish cleaning up?

Y--yessir, I'll clean it up quick, so we can... make something good!

[And she sets her (dismantled, poor thing) camera on the counter, grabs the mop with renewed energy. Because even if she doesn't get her picture, thinking about how he could be gone in the blink of an eye makes her want to spend as much time with him as she can.]

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43rd Teddy Bear [Video/Action]

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